Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
