omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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