I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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