My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
