I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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