"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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