What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
