i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
