Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
