I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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