it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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