I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
