I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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