I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
