yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
