I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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