i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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