Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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