Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
