with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
