In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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