Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
