What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
