my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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