question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My ass is underappreciated
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
