I bet he comes in French.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
