I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i think i just lost a toe
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
