I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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