well you can't waste a boner
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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