well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
