the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I believe in your delicious
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
