Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
