I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
should my penis look like a turkey
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
