sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
