When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
