i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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