I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
