oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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