david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
