you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
