hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
