Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
