So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
