TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
