She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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