He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
