so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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