Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
