My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
