im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You are a genius and a whore.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
