I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
