I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
