You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
