Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
