Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
